BBs are not all born in cabbage
by Dominique Urbino
« Not all children are born in cabbage... »
Since women now have a choice, when they decide to have a child, it is a carefully considered choice. It is the choice of love. Not just the one that unites two people, for better or for worse. It is the choice of love that we feel deep within, in such quantity that it seems impossible not to share it with this being that we know we want to create within ourselves and offer to the world. We feel it in his body. You can feel it in your head. And all the biological clocks, all the alerts issued by society, all the limits set by this or that are useless : the love that is there is claiming its due. He claims to exist.
This is the story of Oriana, a young woman whom her mother wanted very badly, just over eighteen years ago, when it seemed impossible.
At Oriana's age today, Naty, her mother, feels severe pain in her stomach : these are cysts. The diagnosis is serious and the treatment extremely long and difficult. After seven operations in two years, the doctor tells her that she is sterile. Naty collapses. She thinks she is dying. She was depressed for many months, became anorexic until a breach opened in the immense wall of her suffering : she discovered medically assisted procreation (PMA), the possibility of donating oocytes direct – then authorized in France, but also in Belgium.
She is surrounded. To the point that a friend, touched by her situation, offered her gametes. After multiple attempts, Oriana, her first daughter, is born. Completely happy, she shares every moment of it with her donor, giving her such a place that she forgets to specify hers. The embarrassment grows to sow deep trouble in his relationship. He had to make a terrible decision : cut ties.
« It wasn't easy, but it had to be. I know everything I owe him. Even today, I thank her every day, from the bottom of my heart. But it had to be... ". With hindsight, experience, she thinks it's easier to take your place as a mother when you don't know the donor. " When the desire for a second child came, I left for Spain where I received an anonymous donation ". Elie, his second, is 16 today.
However, Oriana knows her donor. She knows everything about her origins. She knows her children. “ We maintain cordial relations. But I want to set limits. I redefine them. I want to be clear, although I am deeply grateful ”. His mom is Naty. His brothers and sisters are called Elie and Serena, 12 years old, the youngest, born following a donation in Greece. His parents are separated today. She speaks little of her dad.
Oriana is a young woman of her time, lively, fresh, strong. She lives in her time. Its ambitions prove it as much as its history. She wants a large family, at least four children, " with twins, if possible ". She wants to be a beauty entrepreneur. If needed, she would “with pleasure ” offer her gametes to a woman in need. The diversity of families affects her as much as the suffering that women can endure when their dreams are shattered by the impossibility of giving birth unilaterally decided by nature.
The Kdos child
“ I have always accompanied my mother in her associative work. Very early, I read, for these women, the story of Child Kdo, being one myself. These situations are really painful, trying. I have always felt a duty to appease them, to reassure them when I could, to help these people put things into perspective, to believe in them again ». Because she experienced it very young in her flesh, this suffering of not being able to hope, Naty wanted to found an association. To offer to those who would like it, the information that it lacked at the time. To open a path for them, towards specialists who do not judge but advise, towards specialized and adapted clinics, towards staff capable of listening. CEKI, the international Kdos children's community has been in operation for twenty years now. « If one day I had to tell my story, I would like the book to be called 'Children are not all born in cabbages'... » Naty confides. Whichever family they belong to, they are a love project, a story that is woven months, years before their birth. They are an act of faith. These “ Kdos children” represent the culmination of a long journey undertaken by their parent(s) and the people around them.
More an answer than a question
The law is changing in France, both on the civil level and on what women will be allowed to hope and attempt from a medical point of view. The text will no doubt be voted on before the end of the year.
Oriana celebrated her eighteenth birthday with her family : her mother, her brother, her sister and her grandparents. Entirely in her project to develop her structure specialized in nails, she works in a specialized institute for the holidays, prepares new palettes after work, specifies her professional project.
His entourage, his friends " savent ". Having been one of the first children in France conceived via a PMA course (particularly in oocyte donation) abroad does not change anything in her life or her ambitions. Her will, her character, she is very proud to share them with her mother, Naty. Her origins, the way she was conceived, are, according to her, a non-subject. What young eighteen-year-old woman discusses origins and birth paths with her classmates? Classes, the future, the vagaries of the labor market, fashion, discipline, the willpower needed to succeed, that's what occupies him today.
We can only wish him the best and more.
The law is changing, that's great news. Mentalities too, so much the better. If it challenges society on nature, its limits, the family, its possibilities, its diversity, education, its hazards, PMA, medically assisted procreation, is not just a question_cc781905-5cde-3194-bb3b -136bad5cf58d_: she is also an answer. It is the beginning of a story which means that we must never lose hope. It is a beautiful story like that of Oriana and her family.
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